fashion passion

Fashion Passion… A Passion of Mine

Fashion Passion: A Lifelong Passion for Fashion…

Fashion, for me, has always been a lifelong passion, a fashion passion. When I was younger I used to be a beauty queen, and yes, I was pretty much a Toddler in Tiaras. I used to wear so many different puffy dresses and always was dressed perfectly, head to toe. I am constantly reminded of how I was always perfectly coifed, pretty dresses, frilly socks, and matching shoes. My mom had matching accessories to every dress, socks to match, and sometimes a prop. I was a virtual doll, always perfect looking. I would win trophies and crowns at every pageant, some taller than I was…

Middle School… Dun Dun Dun…

            Then I hit Junior High and was stifled by my classmates. They made fun of me for everything I wore, how I looked, and what I liked. I was bullied by kids who just a year prior were sleeping over at my house on the weekends. It was traumatic and really damaged my self-esteem and my trust in people. I went through a phase where I prayed to be invisible to these bullies but the more I tried to stay invisible, the more they tormented me.

The only things that got me through these tough times were fashion shows, books, and dance. Music became an escape, books fueled my fantasy life, but fashion gave me hope. When I looked at these beautiful fashion models, glamourous clothes, and decadent lifestyle, I wanted it. I loved to cut my favorite pieces of fashion from magazines and off the internet, and paste them onto photo-boards or old notebooks. (Basically, Pinterest before it was a real thing.) I gave up my fashion passion out of fear and embarrassment.

 

High School… and not much has changed…

That was when I began to get tormented for my weight. My last year of middle school spanning into high school I was tortured for my body shape. I was always “average.” No boobs, a big booty, American Thighs. Truthfully, I was average, just average. I was also in the colorgaurd of the marching band, so I was a “dork.” I was picked on for having glasses, then getting contacts. I was tormented for having braces in middle school, and getting them taken off because I was picked on for them. My classmates would literally pick on me for anything and everything. Through it all, I still envisioned a time when I could just be myself, wear what I want and feel good about it.

Fashion Passion

To College And Beyond…

When I graduated, I began to consider college programs in fashion, looking at online courses about fashion, but negativity crept in. I decided to pursue a different path and ended up straying away from fashion all together. Honestly, I ended up not wearing shorts or even capris from 5 years, and stopped wearing dresses even before that because of fear.

I didn’t wear leggings until I was a sophomore in college, and didn’t wear shorts until that same summer. When I gained weight during college, things got worse and I began to only wear sweatshirts and jeans. My mental health status got worse every day. When I lost my mom, I sought help and my life changed.
fashion passion               I slowly began to reconnect with the things I desperately loved as a youth. I began to listen to more music, watch ballets and dance shows, and reacquaint myself with the fashion world. That is when I started looking at fashion through the scope of history, not just our modern trends. Even though my weight fluxed a lot, and I was depressed because now I was considered plus size, I began to push myself to buy items I liked.

It would be devastating when I couldn’t find something that fit, or even have it fit right, but I kept trying. I stopped going to trendy stores and bought from stores where I knew it would fit. Finally, I started buying from online retailers, from stores with plus sized sections, and embraced who I was. I began to push myself to dress better because I liked it.

My “Ah-Ha” Moment…

Fashion and my love for it, were changing my life for the better. My Fashion Passion was back, and it was a miracle. When I picked out an outfit, I would search for perfect accessories. I struggled, and still do, with matching the perfect accessories, but when I left my house I felt more confident. I finally began to find some peace with who I was, and found peace with what made me happy.

The best part was I was finally finding clothes that fit and made me feel good. When I finally began college last semester to finish my last year, I felt on top of the world. I was constantly getting compliments on outfits, entire looks, shoes, accessories. It made me feel so good on the inside because I was finally attracting positive attention from peers. It made me feel like I was finally expressing myself, and it felt so good inside.

 

 

How does your fashion passion influence you? I’d love to hear your story!!! Please SHARE it below in the comments… and feel free to share, like, pin, tweet this post… xoxo

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